This is an idea I’ve been playing around with in my head for the past week or so. Not sure if it is the Covid coursing through my body or the fact that I just feel I need to set a record straight. Whatever the case may be, let me first begin by stating the fact that I believe that, as I stated in “The Toxicity,” no person is inherently “toxic!” Let me state that again so the people in the back can hear, “No Person; man, woman, child is inherently toxic!” I believe 100% that calling a person toxic is a defense mechanism that is utilized to mask some larger issue that one just doesn’t want to deal with so we label each other “toxic.” That being said, I do believe that there are for lack of a better word, “products” created by humans that are toxic. They are toxic from the standpoint that they are creating unhealthy views in mostly fragile beings.
Let me cite a prime example I recently came across. The song “Abcdefu” by Gayle as referenced by the opening lyrics, “Fuck you and your mom and your sister and your job, And your broke-ass car and that shit you call art, Fuck you and your friends that I'll never see again, Everybody but your dog, you can all fuck off…” First, who hurt you?! Clearly a lot of anger in this one opening, run-on sentence most likely aimed at an ex. This is an extremely toxic product created by an obviously difficult situation. Nobody ever likes going through a break-up; it’s ugly, it’s painful, and it most definitely leaves scars. But is it a healthy reaction to deal with the break-up through the proverbial shit talking of the ex?! Most certainly not! What this is effectively doing is creating an unhealthy image moving forward in regards to relationships by creating a feedback loop in the hurt party’s brain that’s saying “I never want to do that again! It’s all your fault! Fuck you! I’m done!” So going forward we then look at future potential relationships through these broken lenses that are almost certainly one sided.
So what is the big problem here? “I’m hurt! Of course I’m going to think this way!” Correct if you are a closed person with little to no self-awareness. This kind of a person will almost always point the finger elsewhere and pretend that no fault should fall on them rather than taking a step back and analyzing the situation from every possible angle. The toxicity lies in the product itself, it is a song that when distributed correctly has the power to reach thousands of impressionable ears and once planted has the power to become a seed that bears the fruit of negativity. Thus the cycle of toxicity will continue as one breakup turns into another, and another, and another successfully creating this dark view of something that should be truly beautiful. Believe me this doesn’t happen after hearing the song just once but over time with reinforcement from outside stimuli the seed is sowed and the negative thought pattern is created. This same example can be used for hundreds of things from the unrealistic beauty standards that companies put on impressionable young women, to fitness standards put on young men, to financial standards put on everyone! It is a vicious cycle that society has created for itself.
So Eric it’s everywhere! How do we stop it if it can’t be avoided?! Well the answer sounds simpler than it actually is. It falls to the very complicated process of becoming self-aware. Why is it complicated? Well you see it involves first tearing down the walls around yourself; walls that have been erected by years of pain, hard lessons, society, family influence, and personal beliefs. Those first have to be torn down so that you can become uncomfortably close with yourself, as if you were a newborn experiencing the process of feelings for the first time again. You must be brutally honest and open with yourself. You can’t be afraid of what you will find because you most certainly will find something that you don’t like and if you don’t find anything, you’re doing it wrong. After years of living in the world that we’ve constructed we have developed crutches to make things easier on ourselves. To do this correctly we need to learn how to walk on our own again. We need to form our own beliefs, not those that society or our family or friends have laid out for us. We need to learn to accept blame, the blame that we place on ourselves because our conscience put it there for a reason, so don’t bury it! We need to learn to accept, solve, and move forward! To effectively think for ourselves! To be present! To live in gratitude! And form healthy habits! These are the beginning stages of self-awareness and it doesn’t end there. In fact if you’re doing it correctly, it doesn’t end! We should be in a constant state of improvement while understanding that we will never be perfect! Hurts the brain a bit huh?! Welcome to self-awareness!
So we’ve now learned self-awareness 101 in a nutshell, now how do we get rid of the toxicity?! We don’t! As I said this world is a product of crutches that society has created for us. But if we correctly follow the process of self-awareness, we will better arm ourselves for analyzing the products of toxicity as we encounter them. We will be able to take a step away from them and see them for what they truly are; that while the breakup hurt, I played my part as well and I don’t need to bring my ex down in the process. Or my job really isn’t that awful, maybe if I opened my mind I can actually learn something from it. If we take that step back, and take a deep breath in we can see things from a whole new perspective. Things in our world may still be toxic but we will have learned to separate ourselves from them and in doing so we have effectively lessened their power over us! So take that first step, are you ready to get uncomfortable?
Takk for at du leste,
Eric
Comments